Thayne Skiffing

Let me tell you about a guy, 

from the eastern plains,

His last name is Skiffing,

and his first name is Thayne,

Thayne was born on a Thursday, 

the fourth one in November,

He's had an interesting life, 

one I'm sure you'll remember,

See today  is Thayne's birthday,

and he's over 100 years old,

Every year he throws a party, 

for the best country in the world,

Say it together with me,

merka merka, merka the brave,

At his parties we eat turkey,

But the dessert's what you crave,

He's half Native American,

And half of him is Pilgrimese,

He's a very thankful person,

And says families are the key,

He'll make sure you over eat,

If you're ever his hosted guest,

He'll trick you into playing football,

And you'll never play your best,

And he's always got a big smile,

Cause happy is how he's living,

He's pie eating, football playing,

Good ole Happy Thayne Skiffing.

Freakbast

I had breakfast for dinner

So I had dinner for lunch,

I skipped lunch cause of breakfast

Cause breakfast was brunch,

But because breakfast was brunch

That means I had brunch for dinner

But I had dinner for lunch

Which I skipped to get thinner

So really I skipped dinner

I skipped breakfast and brunch

I skipped a lot of meals

The day I skipped lunch

But I did it for breakfast

Cause breakfast is the winner

I’ll gladly skip the others

To have breakfast for dinner

Fruit Made of Wood

Life is lonely for Fruit made of wood,

It never satisfies quite like it should,

Always getting hopes up then letting them down,

It must be tough only seeing people frown,

“Ooh, an apple! Nope. It isn’t real.”

I can’t imagine how that apple must feel

It will never be sauce, it will never be pie

It will be fruit made of wood til the day that it dies.

Thanksgiving Potluck At Work

In case you weren’t informed, the harvest season is here,

Summer came and went, and winter is already near,

Thus Turkey Day is upon us, it’s time to eat a lot,

It’s a time for giving thanks, whether you are religious or not,

For Thanksgiving and Digitas, have roots in the same place,

Back to Massachusetts we look, our heritage to trace,

But now we’ve come out west, some from far, some from close,

So to each and every one of us here, I think it’s time we toast,

Toast to you, toast to me, toast to man, woman, and child,

Thursday November 15^th in the Palm Court, it’s going to be wild,

From twelve pm to one, we will gather round the table,

Family style it shall be, so please bring whatever you are able,

Bring your famous mashed potatoes, if you would so we all can try,

Or bring a side or a main dish, as long as there’s pumpkin pie,

Or if you’re feeling really giving, and cooking just isn’t your thing,

Please bring something to donate, in the form of food or clothing,

We’ll send it to those who suffered, because of Sandy the Hurricane,

And hope for their quick recovery, while alleviating some of their pain.

Sign up at Lauren Reibel’s desk, the more the merrier and better you’ll see,

Feel free to ask for more details, about this festive harvest party,

Cause we’d hate to have no drinks, or perhaps only meat,

Shout out to my vegan friends, better believe I’ll save you a seat,

And use the kitchen that morning, for food prep if you must,

Bake a pie so its fresh, or purchase a store bought crust,

So come thankful and come hungry, come Sara Montague and Eric Dean,

But don't come Ebay, Taco Bell, or Kaiser, if you know what I mean,

That’s Thursday the fifteenth, from twelve-noon until one,

Or until the booze gets flowing, then we’ll really have some fun.

Norm Ali on St. Patrick's Day

On March 17th, Norm Ali couldn’t have been more excited for school. For you see, Norm’s mom had taught him everything that was normal for people to do on St. Patrick’s Day.  Norm was prepared for everything.

Before Norm had come downstairs, his mom called up to him, “Norm, today is St. Patrick’s Day. Normally everyone wears green on St. Patrick’s Day so they don’t get pinched.”

“Gotcha,” called back Norm, “I know.”

Norm came bouncing down the stairs with excitement wearing all green, from head to toe.

At school, Norm’s teacher took the class outside to play on the playground.

“Norm,” his teacher said, “Today is St. Patrick’s Day. Normally on St. Patrick’s Day everyone hunts around in the grass to find lucky clovers.”

“That’s right,” said Norm with his finger in the air, “I collected these on the way to school.” (Norm pulls an entire handful of clovers out of his pocket)

After lunch, Norm’s teacher was telling the class about the St. Patrick’s Day Legend.

“Class,” his teacher said, “Today is St. Patrick’s Day. Normally on St. Patrick’s Day the leprechauns hide something at the end of all the rainbows. Do you know what it is that they hide?”

“I know,” thought Norm as he waved his arm back and forth, “I know.”

Norm’s teacher called on him, “Yes Norm, it looks like you know the answer.”

“Gold!” shouted Norm, “Pots of gold.”

“That’s right,” his teacher said.

Norm smiled to himself. He was so proud that he had remembered everything on St. Patrick’s Day.

“But it is only a myth,” his teacher said, “I can’t say I have ever heard of anyone actually seeing a leprechaun or finding any gold.”

“Wait,” Norm thought.  “I didn’t know that. I thought that leprechauns were real…”

Norm was crushed. His teacher had just told him that the most exciting thing about St. Patrick’s Day was only a myth. Norm could hardly believe his ears.

Norm walked slowly home in the rain. The day had gone so well until the very end. He had never been so sad in all his life.

Just before norm got home, the rain stopped and the sun started to peek out through the separating clouds. Norm looked up and saw the biggest rainbow he had ever seen.

“Wow,” said Norm, “It’s huge. And it looks like it ends right behind my house.”

But Norm remembered his teacher telling him the gold was only a myth.

“Norm,” he said to himself, “Today is St. Patrick’s Day. Normally on St. Patrick’s Day leprechauns hide pots full of gold at he end of all the rainbows. Mom even said so.”

(So he runs around the house to the big tree in the back to look.)

“Mom!”

(Norm’s face reflects a shining bright light from something on the ground as his mom approaches from behind him with a shocked look on her face)

And so, St. Patrick’s Day became anything but normal for Norm Ali.

(As they carry the pot of gold inside, a leprechaun is peeking his head out from behind the big tree)

Norm Ali on Valentine's Day

On February 14th, Norm Ali couldn’t have been more excited for school. For you see, Norm’s mom had taught him everything that was normal for people to do on Valentine’s Day.  Norm was prepared for everything.

As Norm walked out the door that morning, his mom said, “Norm, today is Valentine’s Day. Normally everyone wears something red on Valentine’s Day.”

“Yeah,” said Norm eagerly, “I know.”

He lifted his pant legs to show his mom that he hadn’t forgotten. (wearing bright red socks. Mom smiles back)

When Norm got to school, all the kids were exchanging candygrams.

“Norm,” his friend said, “Today is Valentine’s Day. Normally on Valentine’s Day everyone gives out candygrams.”

“Right,” said Norm enthusiastically, “I know. This one’s for you.”

And he zipped open his coat to show his friend that he hadn’t forgotten. (delicious candy strung all over the inside of his coat like a watch salesman)

During art time, all of his classmates were excitedly scribbling on pieces of paper while Norm simply colored a red triangle.

“Norm,” his teacher said, “Today is Valentine’s Day. Normally on Valentine’s Day people draw hearts.”

“Yup,” said Norm passionately, “I know.”

And he put the red triangle in place to show his teacher that he hadn’t forgotten. (several pictures come together to form huge red heart)

At the end of the day, Norm was feeling quite good about remembering to do everything on Valentine’s Day.

“Norm,” his teacher said, “Today is Valentine’s Day. Normally on Valentine’s Day people…

“Of course, of course” interrupted Norm, “I know. You wear red.”

Norm smirked as he lifted his pant legs to show his teacher his socks.

That’s great,” his teacher said, “but what I was going to say is today is Valentine’s Day. Normally on Valentine’s Day people write a love note for someone. Then, Cupid shoots them with a love arrow and they become your Valentine.”

“Oh no,” Norm thought.  “I didn’t know that.”

Norm panicked. He couldn’t think of anyone to be his valentine and he had never even heard of Cupid. And for the first time all day, Norm didn’t feel so prepared for Valentine’s Day.

When Norm got home from school, his mom was waiting for him at the front door.

He muttered, “ Mom, today is Valentine’s Day. Normally on Valentine’s Day people write a love note for someone and ask them to be their valentine… But I didn’t. I have never even heard of Cupid so now I don’t have a Valentine.”

(Norm’s mom kneels down and gives him a big hug)

It was then that the delicious smell of chocolate chip cookies met Norm’s nose.

(Norm sees an arrow stuck in his mom’s back and runs straight to the source of the fragrance where he finds the entire kitchen full of cookies. In the middle sits a note with Norm’s name on it.)

“Norm,

today is Valentine’s Day. Normally on Valentine’s Day I make something sweet for the sweetest boy in the whole world. Will you be my Valentine?”

And so, Valentine’s Day became anything but normal for Norm Ali.

(Norm and his mom are sitting eating cookies while Cupid flies behind them and smiles/winks)

Norm Ali on Easter

One Sunday morning, sometime in April, Norm Ali awoke already full of excitement. For you see,it was Easter. And Norm’s mom had taught him all about what people normally do on Easter. Norm knew it was gonna be a good day.

Norm leaped from his bed and began rummaging through everything in his room.

“Norm,” his mom said as she entered the room, “Today is Easter. Normally on Easter, colorful eggs are hidden throughout the garden and are full of little surprises.”

“Oh yeah,” remembered Norm,” the garden!” He raced out of his room, down the stairs, out the front door and into the garden.

Norm peeked in and out of every bush, plant, flower and weed in search of colorful Easter Eggs.

After only a few minutes, Norm’s arms were full of Easter Eggs. So full, in fact, that he couldn’t carry them all.

“Norm,” his mom said, “Normally on Easter you collect all your eggs in an Easter basket.”

“I almost forgot” exclaimed Norm. He dropped all his eggs right where he stood, and ran back inside.

A few moments later, Norm emerged carrying his empty laundry hamper with a big grin on his face and began loading up his lot of eggs. He couldn’t wait to open them up and see what delicious goodies waited inside each one.

Sometime later that morning, Norm sat at brunch with his family. Norm had eaten so many chocolates, however, that he had no appetite. Norm’s mom could tell Norm wasn’t feeling well.

“Norm,” his mom said, ” Normally on Easter it’s okay to have a few treats before brunch. But I think you may have had one too many, huh?”

Norm nodded in agreement. So Norm’s mom carried Norm back upstairs to his bed to lie down where she tucked him in under his covers.

“Today is Easter,” she said, “and Normally on Easter we paint eggs and roll them down the big grass hill at the school. But I think you’d better sleep instead.”

She kissed Norm on the forehead and switched off the light as she left the room. Norm felt awful. Not only was his tummy ready to burst from all the chocolate, but his Easter fun was over too. Norm drifted off to sleep.

In his dream, Norm was sitting at the top of a bid grass hill.

“Norm,” Norm heard his name from behind him and turned to face a big, fluffy, bunny rabbit.

“I’m the Easter Bunny. Normally the Easter Bunny stays hidden. But since you are dreaming, I figured I would show myself just this once. And besides, Easter is anything but normal.Would it be ok if I rolled these eggs down the hill with you?”

The Easter Bunny held up a gigantic basket full of colorful eggs, each one different from the next. Norm reached in, grabbed an egg, and hurled down the grassy slope. It rolled and bounced all the way down until it was practically out of sight. He and the Easter Bunny rolled on, tossing dozens of eggs down the big grass hill. Norm had never had so much fun in his life.

Then, as Norm reached back into the basket, he saw the most beautiful egg of all, solid gold in color. He snatched it up and wound his arm to toss it down the hill. But just before he threw it, he awoke in his bed.

The ream was over. All the fun Norm had just been having suddenly stopped. He was alone in his bed and his stomach still ached.

But something was different. Norm seemed to be holding something in his hand. Norm looked down and saw the very same gold egg clenched in his palm. Written on the side of the egg were the words, “Easter is anything but Normal.”

The Atonement

There once was a man on a straight and narrow path,
He wasn’t the first, and wouldn’t be the last,

He followed it straight, he followed it long,
He had had no troubles, not muvh had gone wrong,

He then looked side to side, instead of ahead,
He drifted off the path, not going where it lead,

His focus was lost, he began walking anew,
Forgetting the path, forgetting what he came to do,

His attention aloof, his mind drawn away,
He lost sense of time, sense of the passing day,

The darkness came slowly, but surely it came,
Making it hard to see, and walk all the same,

He stepped and he missed, the ground became space,
He fell through the air, he fell to his face,

He hit the ground hard, face down with a thud,
He lay there unconscious, face down in the mud,

When he came to, he sat up right to see,
What had happened, where could he now be,

He stood in a pit, and looked ‘round about,
He was far too short to jump or climb out,

Alone wasn’t worth trying, would he ever get back?
Out of the pit, back on the right track?

His thoughts running wild, he knew not what to say,
He knew not what to think, he knew only to pray,

He fell to his knees, and though he felt bad,
He called for his Father, he called for his dad,

Then came the light, and above him it shone,
There stood a man, he was no longer alone,

He wanted to yell, “Help,” but before he could,
The man jumped right in, next to where he still stood,

“Father has sent me,” he told me with a smile,

“Now come, make haste, we’ve only a short while,”

He gave me a boost he gave me a prop,
So I could climb out, so I could reach the top,

Finally redeemed, I was ready to go,
But what about the man, he stood still below,

He was stuck there now, stuck down in the trench,

As He saw my sad face, he began to reply,
“Don’t worry ‘bout me, I’ll be just fine,”

I wondered how, and longed to ask why,
But again He spoke first, and this was his reply,

“Father has sent me, to help you come back,
He knew that you would try, but he knew you would lack,

I am your brother, and I came to show you the light,
I am here to help you, I am Jesus Christ,”

Tears filled my eyes, as I felt his warm love,
He did that for me, for His Father above,

He told me to continue, and follow the path,
And not to wander away or drift in the grass,

I did as he said and began the new day,
I marched down the path, in a new kind of way,

I remembered my purpose, I understood the plan,
I remembered Jesus Christ, when he gave me his hand.

Wacky Bizarro World

In Wacky Bizarro World…

I, the king, am called imagination, so imagination is king

Therefore think whatever you wish to think and imagine anything

The rules are only fun cause fun is the only rule

And school is a magic place cause magic is taught in school

Games are played all the time and time can also play

In your imagination there is no time, so come in and stay

Things here are different and different things are here

Near things will seem further and the furthest will seem quite near

Tacky will seem normal and normal will seem tacky

And wacky will seem bizarro but bizarro’s actually wacky.

As King, I like everybody and I know I will like you

So you can act like normal you or you can be wacky too

In this world no matter how bizarro, and no matter how tacky

It is a good thing to be normal, but it’s great thing to be wacky.

This is Wacky Bizarro World…

where down is up and up is down

where brown is blue and blue is brown

where right is left and left is right

where night is day and day is night

where the hare is slow and the tortoise is fast

where ‘good-bye’ is said first and ‘hello’ is said last

where books can fly and flies can read books

where cookies cook cookies cause cookies are cooks

where computers swing like monkeys and monkeys know how to compute

where fruit on trees tastes like candy and the leaves taste like sweet fruit

where flowers can talk, trees can dance and animals can sing

Welcome to Wacky Bizarro World where you can go anywhere and do anything

Welcome to Wacky Bizarro World…

… I am your imagination and imagination is the king

and I can tell you precisely what instructions you shall need

You may need an anchor to pull you up into the sky

Remember that up is down and down is up, so down you must fly

And a compass is a must, but use it the right way

For right is left, down is up and night is always day

And when you meet the fly that reads, be sure to say ‘good bye’

For he can read you the story of, the book that can fly

Say ‘hello’ to the bug as you ride, away on the flying book

Then sniff hard and smell the cookies, cooked by cookie cooks

The book will let you gently down next to the dancing trees

Pick some candy and take a bite, and be sure to eat the leaves

Then have a talk with the flowers and hear the animals sing

For this is Wacky Bizarro World and imagination is king.