Noises

Today something happened,
That I'll never forget,
It was very awkward,
And embarrassing I admit,

I had an itch that I scratched,
Up underneath my arm,
When my armpit farted,
Causing quite an alarm,

What had I done?
And what was I to do...
So I did it again,
Armpit fart number two

Now I'm a natural,
I can toot on command,
All it took was some practice,
And a cup shaped hand

Hey! Smile More

People are smilin’ all over the earth.

Each smile is unique. And each has great worth.

But the world can be a scary and full of nasty things.

Sometimes people get lonely. And forget to say cheese.

Some places have less sunshine shining on down.

So people do the worst kind of thing. People frown.

But never you fear, my friends. And never you worry.

There’s a trick up your sleeve to save the world in a hurry.

It’s a superpower you have and your friends can have it too.

Just tell them to follow after you and do as you do.

Make your eyes big, teeth clenched and lips really wide

Lift the corners of your mouth to your ears on either side

Your superpower is called smiling. So smile as much as you can.

Your superpower is working. It’s shining from here to Japan.

It’s shining to the moon and back, it’s shining to the stars.

It’s also shining on your friends, those near and those far.

It’s shining on the dark places where the sun can’t always be.

It’s shining on the monsters turning them into funky trees.

It’s shining on the ghosts and goblins shining away all the creepy.

It’s shining on the feisty creatures and making them all sleepy.

Your smile glows in the dark. And it shines on crocodiles.

It shines on your own reflection and creates double the smiles.

It shines on your family, whoever they may be.

It makes them happier and turns you and I into we.

Your smile can help the angry who’re mad about something silly. 

It can make grown-ups laugh or make you warm when it's chilly.

So if you see some people who don't want to play.

Shine your smile in their direction and brighten up their day.

Smile big and smile wide. Smile high and smile low,

Smiling is a superpower so be sure to smile mo'.

Red, Mine and Blue

Roses are red, 
and violets are blue,
Or is it just me, 
and roses are blue too,

Maybe my red 
is really your blue,
And your blue is red, 
but only to you,

Your sky is blue, 
and mine is the same,
But only by word, 
description and name,

Really yours is red, 
according to me,
If only I could see, 
just as you see,

Or maybe your red, 
is what I call green,
Do you see what I'm saying, 
or see what I mean?

But if you saw what I'm saying, 
you'd know what I mean,
When I say something's "red" 
you'd see what I've seen,

So you may never know, 
if violets are blue and roses are red,
Cause you're the only one, 
seeing from inside your head,

The Dean- An ode to Eric Dean’s beard

If your beard could talk, want to know what he’d say?

“Give me The Dean, give me the beard by the Bay,”

And he’d be right to wish, and right-er to covet,

If your beard could talk he’d tell you ladies love it,

For The Dean’s not too long, it’s the right amount of bold,

It will make you look rad, but wont make you look old,

It’s black and it’s grey, the combination perfected,

If The Dean ran for president, The Dean would be elected,

The Dean deserves respect, but also makes you smile,

And it gets better with time, so you can wear it for while,

So here’s to The Dean, a beard, a statement, and a friend,

The Dean is Eric’s beard, I hope he wears to the end,

Life of a Mascot

Why can't mascots talk,

Why must they be mute,

Aren't they supposed to cheer,

Not just stand there and look cute,

What would a mascot say,

If only given the chance,

To speak his or her mind,

Have an opinion or take a stance,

I think I could learn a lot

From the half-man, half-beast,

Like how to do a backflip,

Or start The Wave from West to East,

But from these complex creatures,

I think I can learn even more,

Like how to cook a lasagna,

Or fix a squeaky door,

And I bet they know calculus,

And could give me some tips,

Or show me how to ride a bike…

While cracking a cowboy whip,

I'm sure a mascot could teach me,

About the meaning of the stars,

Why the moon affects the tide,

And how to fix old cars,

They might know some magic tricks,

Or the location of Atlantis,

And I bet they know about nature,

And the origin of the praying mantis,

A mascot could be like a mentor,

Who I'd visit every week,

They'd tell me what books to read,

And teach me how to public speak

But, alas, they are silent,

Cougar, Bear, Titan, and Hawk

There's so much they could show me,

If they were only able to talk,

Hey! Have the Day You’re Gonna Have

Today is a day, that much we know, 

But what kind of day, only time will show,

Things are going to happen, things good and things bad,

Things are going to happen on this day you have not yet had,

Mom might let you sleep in, and go late to school,

Or she might wake you early, and have you clean the pool,

Breakfast could be delicious! Pancakes, waffles and more,

Or it could be an awful protein shake, that shakes your very core,

Perhaps Dad will drive you to school in his awesome, brand-new car,

Or perhaps you’ll miss the bus, and have to walk so very far,

Possibly you’ll find a dollar, or maybe you’ll find ten,

Or possibly you’ll lose some money, but never remember when,

Maybe your teacher will hang your picture high up on the wall,

Or maybe you’ll trip on the easel, spill the paint and fall,

Perchance lunch will be so splendid, as a fancy restaurant feast,

Perchance it will be a nightmare, featuring the vegetable beast,

During afternoon recess, you may score the winning goal,

Or recess may be rained out, and the afternoon may be dull,

Conceivably school will end early, giving you hours of time to play,

Or conceivably school will be longer, and you’ll have to do homework all day,

Feasibly you might race friends and win, on your bike ride home,

Feasibly you might have two flat tires and have to walk home all alone,

A lot of things could happen today, on this day of days unknown,

But one thing you should know for sure, is that a smile can always be shown,

So have the day you’re gonna have, and let come what may,

Because it’s up to you to say, today is gonna be a good day,

Cars Have Horns

Cars have horns,
Some honk and some beep,
Cars have horns
Some blare and some peep,

But what about cars,
With antlers or spikes,
Have you seen them,
Or do you know the likes?

Some look like bulls,
With big, long, horns,
Others are more rare,
Like the car unicorns,

And the elephant vans,
With their elephant van tusks,
Or the automobile deer,
Who are only out at dusk,

But the car-noceros bus,
Is the best of them all,
With it's two front horns,
One big and one small.