Monday, June 24, 2013

Miss American Flower Pageant

Host:           
A recent report shows that in 40 percent of state parks, state flowers are the primary earners yet they continue to earn less than state trees. What does this say about society?"

Miss Sego Lily:       
The life of a state flower tough
I know it looks easy, but it’s rough
I’m up every morning, Utah adorning
The dry air ruins my pedals and stuff

I have to always look super amazing
Cause somebody is constantly gazing
Then they come pick me, and at a funeral they stick me
Where nobody my beauty is praising

I deserve the treatment of a queen
All of the nice and none of the mean
I shouldn’t do work, but just sit here and smirk
And listen to the praises y’all sing

Because I represent our great state
The Ms. USA Flower Pageant awaits
And I’m gonna win, with my beautiful grin
The California Poppy is sure to hate.

And my ideas totes have worth
I’m not just a pretty face in the earth
Sure I look gorgeous, out here in the forest
But yesterday wasn’t my birth

I’m the one who wants world peace
And believes pizza shouldn’t have grease
And thinks cats should love dogs, and fat people should jog
And no one should be allowed to wear fleece

But it’s like whatever. I’m over it, okay?
If y’all are gonna hate cause I look pretty today?
Talk to the leaf, and don’t give me grief
And that’s what income inequality about society might say

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Hey! Get Off The Couch


I sat on the couch and just as I slouched, something bit my bum.
Could it be? Oh yes indeed! The couch had teeth and gums.

Mr. couch, I don’t mean to grouch, but did you just chew my cheek?
Indeed I did Mr. kid, you and I need to speak.

What the what, that’s nuts! Do I believe my ears?
Since when do couches talk? And since when do they bite rears?

I’m not a normal couch, he said, I’m a couch coach, you see
I coach kids to get off the couch instead of sitting on me

I tickle, I tweak, I squeeze and I squash. I punch, I pinch and I pull
I make people get off the couch and fill their dream cups full

Sorry silly sofa, I said, but I really need to rest
Besides, I need to sleep to dream. That’s how I dream best.

I’m afraid that’s out of order, I simply can’t let you sleep
I’m your guide to get outside, not lay here and count the sheep

Fine! I said, I’ll sleep on the floor, nothin’ you can do about that
So I sat on the ground and laid my head down, until I was completely flat

You look like lumber trying to slumber, you’ll never reach dreams at this pace
All of your dreams wont happen it seems, you’ll just stare off into space

The couch was right, my mind took flight and seemed to wishfully wander
I could not sleep. Not even a wink. So I stared into space to ponder

How big is space? Is it a place? Or does it go on forever…
I want to go, into space so I’ll know.  I should go on a space endeavor!

That’s when I knew, I had a dream that was new, and I would chase it all the way
Guess what Mr. Couch that made me say ouch? I will go to space one day!

Jolly good, as you should said the couch, as I ran out to chase my new dream
So did I make it to space? Well let’s just say... the view from the moon is supreme

Hey! Scratch that itch


I went to the doctor right after soccer. And said to him, “what’s up doc?”
I have this itch that’s been makin’ me twitch? And it’s been itchin’ me ‘round the clock.

Bugs in your bed? A hat on your head? Chickenpox under your chin?
A snake down your shirt? Grass in your skirt? Or poison ivy all over your skin?

Those make me itch, but not like this. This itch hasn’t turned red.
It’s more of an itch that turns on the switch to the light upstairs in my head.

Cake on your plate? Staying up late? Stuffed animals bigger than you?
Video games? Books with weird names? Or things that can turn your tongue blue?

Closer I think, to finding the thing, the thing that burns in my heart
It makes me feel like my ideas are ideal. It makes me feel like I’m smart

Hmmm, said the doc, it’s not as I thought. It’s bigger than that it seems.
This itch that you’ve got, we don’t see a lot. You’ve got a case of The Dreams.

Oh no, The Dreams? What does that mean? Am I a goner for sure?
What do I do? I haven’t a clue. Doc, is there even a cure?

Think of this thing that’s making you dream, the same thing that’s makin’ you twitch
Then do that thing, dream that dream and be sure to scratch that itch

Hey! Dreams Come True


Dreams can come differently
In all sorts of sorts
Some seem tall and lofty
And others come up short

Dreams can come from inside
In all kinds of kinds
Some come in your heart
Others come in your mind

Dreams can come from outside
In all ways of ways
Some carried in bags by birds
Others pulled by sleighs

Dreams can come while you sleep
In all types of types
Some come with spots
Others come with stripes

Dreams can come if you love
In all forms of forms
Some come completely alone
And some come in swarms

Dreams can come floating by
In all styles of styles
Some down the Mississippi
And others up the Nile

Dreams can come differently
To me and to you
But as long as we believe…
Our dreams can come true!

Friday, March 22, 2013

Hey! Don’t Act Your Age

Hey! Don’t Act Your Age

You could wear big, clown shoes, and juggle like a giant clown,
Or you could wear disco ball shoes, and dance all around town,

You could choose gator boots and cruise through puddles and ponds,
Or you could choose magic shoes, fly on a broom and little broom wands,

You might fancy mountain spikes to climb the Tallest Peak
Or you might fancy no shoes at all to surf any wave you seek

How about policeman shoes-with-shoes to chase down a fleeing crook
Or how about socks as shoes to snuggle up with a book

Why not try hover shoes and spend your days out travelin’
Or why not try new-sport shoes and invent the Rainbow Javelin

You could choose a million shoes and do a million things
And you could go a million places and meet a million kings

But wherever you decide to go and whatever you decide to do
Don’t act your age, my friend. Act the size of your shoe

Monday, March 11, 2013

Hey! Follow Your Dreams

Here comes the Dream Bus, cruisin up the street
Better wave it down, jump in and take a seat,

Put on your dreamin’ shoes and pack a bag full of laughter
Prepare for the unknown and get ready for ever after

Youre going to need a seatbelt cause it will be a wild ride,
The Dream Bus will take you out there, to places far and places wide

You will hit bumps and make turns, you’ll speed up and slow down,
You will remember the road behind, but look forward to the next town,

Don’t be scared of the cliffs and don’t look over the ledge
The Dream Bus might seem out of control, but it’s just driving on the edge 

You’re on your way to do it, whatever it is you love most
You’re not doing it for the money, and you’re not doing it to boast  

So when the road gets bumpy and a little bit too rough
Remember you are on The Dream Bus and dreamin’ can be tough

But know that it is worth it, no matter how hard it seems
Cause nothing makes you happy like followin’ your dreams

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Superman Ice Cream

Superman is super,
Super-er than any man,
He is stronger than all the rest
And can fly like no other can

But superman has one thing
That makes him the best it would seem
superman has his very own flavor
The flavor of superman ice cream

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Money Tree


everyone is talking
about money on trees
everyone wants it
but listen to me please

you can’t climb in money trees
or you’ll get paper cuts
money trees wont grow any food
no fruits, vegetables or nuts

it can’t give you shade
cause the leaves always fall
and Forget about a tree house
cause money trees are never tall

and did you know this about money
when it grows on your trees
Mom still makes you get out there
and rake up the leaves.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Noises

Today something happened,
That I'll never forget,
It was very awkward,
And embarrassing I admit,

I had an itch that I scratched,
Up underneath my arm,
When my armpit farted,
Causing quite an alarm,

What had I done?
And what was I to do...
So I did it again,
Armpit fart number two

Now I'm a natural,
I can toot on command,
All it took was some practice,
And a cup shaped hand

Monday, February 18, 2013

Hey! Smile More


People are smilin’ all over the earth.
Each smile is unique. And each has great worth.

But the world can be a scary and full of nasty things.
Sometimes people get lonely. And forget to say cheese.

Some places have less sunshine shining on down.
So people do the worst kind of thing. People frown.

But never you fear, my friends. And never you worry.
There’s a trick up your sleeve to save the world in a hurry.

It’s a superpower you have and your friends can have it too.
Just tell them to follow after you and do as you do.

Make your eyes big, teeth clenched and lips really wide
Lift the corners of your mouth to your ears on either side

Your superpower is called smiling. So smile as much as you can.
Your superpower is working. It’s shining from here to Japan.

It’s shining to the moon and back, it’s shining to the stars.
It’s also shining on your friends, those near and those far.

It’s shining on the dark places where the sun can’t always be.
It’s shining on the monsters turning them into funky trees.

It’s shining on the ghosts and goblins shining away all the creepy.
It’s shining on the feisty creatures and making them all sleepy.

Your smile glows in the dark. And it shines on crocodiles.
It shines on your own reflection and creates double the smiles.

It shines on your family, whoever they may be.
It makes them happier and turns you and I into we.

Your smile can help the angry who’re mad about something silly. 
It can make grown-ups laugh or make you warm when it's chilly.

So if you see some people who don't want to play.
Shine your smile in their direction and brighten up their day.

Smile big and smile wide. Smile high and smile low,
Smiling is a superpower so be sure to smile mo'.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Red, Mine and Blue

Roses are red, 
and violets are blue,
Or is it just me, 
and roses are blue too,

Maybe my red 
is really your blue,
And your blue is red, 
but only to you,

Your sky is blue, 
and mine is the same,
But only by word, 
description and name,

Really yours is red, 
according to me,
If only I could see, 
just as you see,

Or maybe your red, 
is what I call green,
Do you see what I'm saying, 
or see what I mean?

But if you saw what I'm saying, 
you'd know what I mean,
When I say something's "red" 
you'd see what I've seen,

So you may never know, 
if violets are blue and roses are red,
Cause you're the only one, 
seeing from inside your head,

Monday, February 4, 2013

The Dean- An ode to Eric Dean’s beard


If your beard could talk, want to know what hed say?
Give me The Dean, give me the beard by the Bay,

And hed be right to wish, and right-er to covet,
If your beard could talk hed tell you ladies love it,

For The Deans not too long, its the right amount of bold,
It will make you look rad, but wont make you look old,

Its black and its grey, the combination perfected,
If The Dean ran for president, The Dean would be elected,

The Dean deserves respect, but also makes you smile,
And it gets better with time, so you can wear it for while,

So heres to The Dean, a beard, a statement, and a friend,
The Dean is Erics beard, I hope he wears to the end,

Monday, January 28, 2013

Life of a Mascot



Why can't mascots talk,
Why must they be mute,
Aren't they supposed to cheer,
Not just stand there and look cute,

What would a mascot say,
If only given the chance,
To speak his or her mind,
Have an opinion or take a stance,

I think I could learn a lot
From the half-man, half-beast,
Like how to do a backflip,
Or start The Wave from West to East,

But from these complex creatures,
I think I can learn even more,
Like how to cook a lasagna,
Or fix a squeaky door,

And I bet they know calculus,
And could give me some tips,
Or show me how to ride a bike
While cracking a cowboy whip,

I'm sure a mascot could teach me,
About the meaning of the stars,
Why the moon affects the tide,
And how to fix old cars,

They might know some magic tricks,
Or the location of Atlantis,
And I bet they know about nature,
And the origin of the praying mantis,

A mascot could be like a mentor,
Who I'd visit every week,
They'd tell me what books to read,
And teach me how to public speak

But, alas, they are silent,
Cougar, Bear, Titan, and Hawk
There's so much they could show me,
If they were only able to talk,